Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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