Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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