if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All the doctor said was why
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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