Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
