my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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