I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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