I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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