I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
