The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
