How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
