U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
