what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
