:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
