She is in my trunk
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
