forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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