He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
