kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
