end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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