i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
