In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
