I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
