I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize
