Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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