every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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