I swear god or herbie drove my car home
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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