Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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