Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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