its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
