my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
