I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
