Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
