We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?