It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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