The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass