she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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