im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
