My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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