I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
