don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
