Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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