we have pet lesbian snakes
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
