You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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