Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
