The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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