He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
