textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
