Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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