Ambien. No doubt about it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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