I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
