And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
pray to the hookup gods
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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