i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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