He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
