I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
