I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
