im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
