i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
