Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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