You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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