i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
