Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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