You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
