so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
