Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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