The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
