all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just gargled with NyQuil
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
