What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
