I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
