whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
