once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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