I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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