Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
