we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
