I didn't shave. On purpose
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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