If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
