im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
