I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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