just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize