I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just had sex on a roof
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
