If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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