Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
