you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
