I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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