I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
