She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
