Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
