The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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