I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
