best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
