Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Randomize
