I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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